Random Simpsons Quotes

I came across these and had to share. My favorite Simspons episode is season five, "Lisa the Vegetarian" so many classic lines. My favorite is when Lisa's whole family reacts to her suggestion of vegetables at their BBQ with a conga-line and chant: "You don't win friends with sal-ad. . . You don't win friends with sal-ad!"

Enjoy!


Librarian: "You've checked this Bible out every weekend for the last nine years. Wouldn't it be easier just to buy one?"
Reverend Lovejoy: "Perhaps on a librarian's salary."

Ralph: "Me fail english? That's unpossible!"

Homer: "Boy, does it feel good to get out of that car. Ooh, go-karts!"

Marge: "Parades just bring out so many emotions in me: joy, excitement, looking . . ."

Carl: “I concur. . .[everyone looks at him quizzically] word a day calendar." [as he holds up an entry for CONQUER]


Homer: "Marge if you don't mind, I’m busy achieveing financial independence."
Marge: "With cans of grease?"
Homer: "No, through savings and wise investments. OF COURSE WITH GREASE!!"


Milhouse: "Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?"

Homer: "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin. . . but what good does that do me?"

Barney: "My name is Barney Gumble and I’m an alcoholic."
Lisa: "But Mr. Gumble this is a Girl Scout meeting."
Barney: "Is It? Or is it that you can’t admit you have a problem!"

Chief Wiggum: "Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!"

Homer: “Marge, you can’t kick me out of the house! you’ll cause a miscount on the census! A miscount!"

Grandpa Simpson: "Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three."

Nelson: "Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark."


Museum Curator to Lisa: "You are banned from this historical society! You, and your children, and your children’s children …. for 3 months."


Homer: "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals. . . except the weasel."

Lisa (in powerplant cafeteria): "Isn’t there any fruit here?"
Homer: "This donut has purple in it, purple’s a fruit”

Chief Wiggum: "We hereby charge you with the murders of Moe Syzlac and Apu Nahassaa. . . pema, Apu NaHassa. . . . Just Moe, just Moe."

Homer (to Lisa): "In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

Rodd Flanders: "Lies make baby Jesus cry."

Bart to Homer (who is trying to gain weight by eating a banana split): “Eat around the banana Dad. It’s just empty vitamins.”

Marge: "All this senseless violence in cartoons. I just don’t see the appeal."
Lisa: "Mom! If cartoons were meant for adults they’d be on during prime time!”

Exactly!